His voice is quiet at the admission, as he lets Hythlodaeus' words sink in slowly. When was the last time someone had told him he was important, let alone dear to them? Was it his parents? No, it was the man who currently held the seat of Fandaniel, his mentor whom he would supposedly surpass...that was the last time anyone remotely had held him in such regard.
"I know you always seem to comfort me...but you do know you can come to me with concerns as well, yes?"
"Is that an invitation to regale you with my burdens here and now?" He laughs a little, though there's a tense edge to it- as if there's something specifically in mind as he says it.
"Oh, but I know. You would never let me suffer alone." But this is comforting for him, too. Just sitting together and enjoying one another's company. Maybe he doesn't have to talk about it... though if Hermes presses, he will.
"If you wished to, be they worries large or small I would lend an ear."
He means that too. That said, he wouldn't poke or pry for Hythlodaeus to spill his woes if he didn't want to share them. There's a sharpness to his laugh that Hermes picks up on, but he won't pursue it. He doesn't need to pick at wounds that his friend may be hiding.
He smiles, leaning against Hermes more- though after a moment he does speak, as though he needed a moment to think about it.
"Let us simply say... you were not the only one who received a reminder from home." He pulls the small chunk of rock from his cardigan pocket, rubbing his thumb over it. "This is what has been plaguing me for a few days now."
It might not mean much to Hermes, who has no idea what a moon rock looks like. And really, it is unremarkable. But to Hythlodaeus it represents a 12000 year long prison. He wishes it would go away, but every time he tries to get rid of it, it just shows up again.
Hythlodaeus had told him briefly of the suffering he had endured the one evening he'd awoken them both with nightmares, but never would Hermes have thought there would've been a reminder from those days for his friend. He extends out a hand to request to hold it.
He'd never told him about his imprisonment on the moon, only what the Final Days held for them. But now he hands the rock over, sighing.
"You know of how the star was sundered, yes? Hydaelyn struck Zodiark with such force that the fabric of reality split into fourteen shards... well, afterwards, Hydaelyn created a moon and imprisoned Zodiark there. And all the souls who were sacrificed to him... we were trapped there, too."
He eyes the rock as if it has personally offended him just by being in the same room as him.
Hermes sits and listens quietly, turning the rock over in his hands, a shiver running down his spine as he learns of its origin. So it was the reminder of a prison then...where Hythlodaeus had found himself trapped for eons. How miserable. How terrifying.
How lonely.
Here he was upset, feeling alone, and Hythlodaeus was being haunted by such a memory. What a terrible friend he was...
"...I do not know what to say. I am horrified." He covers the rock with his other hand, as if to hide it from view from the both of them. "I knew you endured hardship during the Final Days but I did not know you were made to suffer so."
"If it is any consolation, I spent those years in a dreamlike state... I hardly recall the time that went by, though I admit I do dream of it often. Looking up at what used to be Etheirys from a barren land, alone."
He sighs, turning his head to nuzzle into Hermes more as if to remind himself that he is no longer alone. Of course, if he knew what Hermes was thinking about himself he'd scold him; which is hypocritical of him, given how he reacted to Emet-Selch's story.
"I suppose I was simply there long enough that it imprinted upon my mind. Had I remained in the Underworld, I am quite sure I would never have dreamt of it. Alas, I am alive once more, and living beings must dream."
Setting the rock aside he turns himself on the sofa to embrace Hythlodaeus again, a hand reaching up to stroke the back of his head in a bid to soothe. So what if he didn't recall much? That he was trapped in a dreamlike state? That is just as terrifying as if he were fully aware, as far as Hermes is concerned.
"Full glad I am that you are alive." Ah, he's getting choked up again... "Neither you nor Emet-Selch deserved any of what you both endured. If only I could do something to ease your sorrows..."
Rubbing his eyes with the back of a hand he pulls back slightly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
"You are, of course." He knows the other man's words are true and that leaves his heart swelling in his chest. "And if I can be of help...then it relieves me to hear so."
"There, there." He reaches up to brush away a tear with his thumb. "Do not shed your tears on my behalf. I am fine now that I have you and Emet-Selch here with me. I am no longer lonely."
He smiles for Hermes, warm and comforting. "Everything will be all right. For all of us." It has to be... he refuses to believe otherwise. Though this city may test them, if they're all together they will be fine, right?
Could he simply be content with Emet-Selch and himself? Then again, Emet-Selch was more or less the other man's soulmate. Maybe if he had someone like that for himself he would feel a bit more at ease.
But he didn't.
"I suppose we must make the best of it. This is our new life now...and I am loathe to squander it."
Hythlodaeus likes to have a large network of friends, but Emet-Selch and Hermes are very important to him and he needs those few close friendships more than he needs many superficial ones. He nods to Hermes' statement, leaning in for a brief kiss.
"And squander it we shall not. We must be grateful that we are together, and that we live in relative security."
Grateful...he should be grateful and not always left wanting more. It's a terrible personality trait of his, to never feel truly content. He needs to get over himself but thankfully the beautiful man before him is enough of a distraction. The brief kiss is followed up with one that Hermes instigates himself, leaning in to snag Hythlodaeus' lips, arms sliding loosely around his neck.
"And I am grateful that you are mine." He leans his forehead against Hermes', resting his arms around his middle.
Truly, he does wish Hermes was more content with his lot in life... goodness, but the Final Days would not have come for them had he just been satisfied. Alas, he can't seem to feel at peace, and there is little Hythlodaeus can do to convince him otherwise.
"So let us try to put this nonsense the city has foisted upon us to the side. We will not lock ourselves away and mourn what we cannot have, or what we missed out on- we will simply focus on the good." Easier said than done, he knows. Especially for Hermes, and especially since the items tend to follow them. But he's sure they can weather this as they have weathered the other trials the city has seen fit to place upon them.
Even if the items were to be tossed away Hermes would never dare to do such a thing. Meteion may be no more, much like their futures, but it is still a precious memento for him to keep. Exhaling he lets his eyes shut briefly, simply settling into the embrace. Hythlodaeus is warm and alive. He's right here, with him, heart and soul exposed. Even if he may not truly understand how he sees things...wasn't that okay too? He was accepting him for what he was, flaws and all. He should cherish that.
"I will do my best to do so. I...will try not to fall into despair. There are times I do feel as if there is no hope but that does not necessarily mean it is true."
He rubs at Hermes' back, glad that he seems to be cheering up- though he does wonder if as soon as Hythlodaeus leaves, he'll go back to staring mournfully at that brooch. He hopes not.
"Take my words to heart. Do not forget them. Promise me?"
Hythlodaeus isn't wrong - chances are if left to his own devices he will end up caught up in his own head again. For the moment though, he can focus on his friend. It's a small comfort but a comfort nonetheless.
"I promise."
He means it too, even though it'll be hard to hold as truth for him.
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His voice is quiet at the admission, as he lets Hythlodaeus' words sink in slowly. When was the last time someone had told him he was important, let alone dear to them? Was it his parents? No, it was the man who currently held the seat of Fandaniel, his mentor whom he would supposedly surpass...that was the last time anyone remotely had held him in such regard.
"I know you always seem to comfort me...but you do know you can come to me with concerns as well, yes?"
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"Oh, but I know. You would never let me suffer alone." But this is comforting for him, too. Just sitting together and enjoying one another's company. Maybe he doesn't have to talk about it... though if Hermes presses, he will.
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He means that too. That said, he wouldn't poke or pry for Hythlodaeus to spill his woes if he didn't want to share them. There's a sharpness to his laugh that Hermes picks up on, but he won't pursue it. He doesn't need to pick at wounds that his friend may be hiding.
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"Let us simply say... you were not the only one who received a reminder from home." He pulls the small chunk of rock from his cardigan pocket, rubbing his thumb over it. "This is what has been plaguing me for a few days now."
It might not mean much to Hermes, who has no idea what a moon rock looks like. And really, it is unremarkable. But to Hythlodaeus it represents a 12000 year long prison. He wishes it would go away, but every time he tries to get rid of it, it just shows up again.
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Hythlodaeus had told him briefly of the suffering he had endured the one evening he'd awoken them both with nightmares, but never would Hermes have thought there would've been a reminder from those days for his friend. He extends out a hand to request to hold it.
"May I?"
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"You know of how the star was sundered, yes? Hydaelyn struck Zodiark with such force that the fabric of reality split into fourteen shards... well, afterwards, Hydaelyn created a moon and imprisoned Zodiark there. And all the souls who were sacrificed to him... we were trapped there, too."
He eyes the rock as if it has personally offended him just by being in the same room as him.
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How lonely.
Here he was upset, feeling alone, and Hythlodaeus was being haunted by such a memory. What a terrible friend he was...
"...I do not know what to say. I am horrified." He covers the rock with his other hand, as if to hide it from view from the both of them. "I knew you endured hardship during the Final Days but I did not know you were made to suffer so."
And he aches even more because of it.
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He sighs, turning his head to nuzzle into Hermes more as if to remind himself that he is no longer alone. Of course, if he knew what Hermes was thinking about himself he'd scold him; which is hypocritical of him, given how he reacted to Emet-Selch's story.
"I suppose I was simply there long enough that it imprinted upon my mind. Had I remained in the Underworld, I am quite sure I would never have dreamt of it. Alas, I am alive once more, and living beings must dream."
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"Full glad I am that you are alive." Ah, he's getting choked up again... "Neither you nor Emet-Selch deserved any of what you both endured. If only I could do something to ease your sorrows..."
His own feel inconsequential in comparison.
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It's true- the close contact is doing a good job of reminding him that he's with a trusted friend right now. He isn't alone.
"You are a comfort to me, as I hope I am to you. Pray do not think otherwise."
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"You are, of course." He knows the other man's words are true and that leaves his heart swelling in his chest. "And if I can be of help...then it relieves me to hear so."
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He smiles for Hermes, warm and comforting. "Everything will be all right. For all of us." It has to be... he refuses to believe otherwise. Though this city may test them, if they're all together they will be fine, right?
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Could he simply be content with Emet-Selch and himself? Then again, Emet-Selch was more or less the other man's soulmate. Maybe if he had someone like that for himself he would feel a bit more at ease.
But he didn't.
"I suppose we must make the best of it. This is our new life now...and I am loathe to squander it."
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"And squander it we shall not. We must be grateful that we are together, and that we live in relative security."
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"I am grateful you are my friend."
He has so very few.
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Truly, he does wish Hermes was more content with his lot in life... goodness, but the Final Days would not have come for them had he just been satisfied. Alas, he can't seem to feel at peace, and there is little Hythlodaeus can do to convince him otherwise.
"So let us try to put this nonsense the city has foisted upon us to the side. We will not lock ourselves away and mourn what we cannot have, or what we missed out on- we will simply focus on the good." Easier said than done, he knows. Especially for Hermes, and especially since the items tend to follow them. But he's sure they can weather this as they have weathered the other trials the city has seen fit to place upon them.
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"I will do my best to do so. I...will try not to fall into despair. There are times I do feel as if there is no hope but that does not necessarily mean it is true."
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He rubs at Hermes' back, glad that he seems to be cheering up- though he does wonder if as soon as Hythlodaeus leaves, he'll go back to staring mournfully at that brooch. He hopes not.
"Take my words to heart. Do not forget them. Promise me?"
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"I promise."
He means it too, even though it'll be hard to hold as truth for him.