[It is exceedingly cruel, at least Hermes has always thought so. No one else among his people however seemed to feel the same way. It was this blatant disregard for life, or rather the fact their creations were seen as lesser beings to man, that had Hermes always anxious for their fates. It was always sad when a creation was unmade, sometimes for arbitrary reasons and nothing more. Imperfections were meant to be stamped out.]
If I truly were your creation...I am so flawed I would certainly be unmade. I would never be approved as a concept in the first place.
If that expression had tugged at his heart, those words had surely torn it apart.]
Hermes...
[This was one of the kindest, most patient and sweet people he'd ever known... Seeing himself like this. The same person who always jumped to offer help and looked upon all those animals which such obvious love and fondness.
He pets his hair as he thinks. This is obviously a deep-rooted issue that will take a lot of effort to fix. But... perhaps what they were doing hadn't been a bad approach, at least for helping Hermes feel a bit better about himself.
It was just a matter of figuring out what had and hadn't worked, right?
He draws back a moment and looks down at him, fingers now resting on his jaw.]
I did notice you were very reserved. As though you dare not speak your mind. Was that because of the nature of the relationship? Or something else?
[Ah. Maybe he shouldn't feel as soothed as he does by Riddle's little fingers in his hair but he does. It's a guilty pleasure really, that he's trying not to think too hard about in the moment. His fingers are small just like hers had been, his beloved creation that did her best to cheer him up by petting and mussing his hair when she felt his sadness. Riddle was no Entelechy like Meteion was but he still seemed to be in tune with how he felt.
The question has him keeping his eyes averted - it's far too difficult to look Riddle in the eye right now. He's too embarrassed by himself, by everything that he is.]
...My people are reserved by nature. We are encouraged to share our opinions on matters and debate them...but our personal feelings? Concerns and worries? It is discouraged. I am considered far too emotional for most. I care too much about concerns others seem to not be concerned with at all. All I receive for it is pity. I have learned to hold my tongue, more often than not.
[... what an eerie sort of society. Or maybe it's unnerving because Riddle understands it to some degree. Emotions were to be kept under a tight rein; decisions were to be based in logic, not desire or preference.
A life, he only recently discovered, that was the very reason for that deep emptiness he still struggles with to this day.
A soft noise of understanding escapes.]
... it isn't nearly the same, I realize, but... I grew up under very strict guidelines and rules. Decisions were always based on what was most culturally appropriate, what was the most dignified, and what was the best investment for long-term benefits.
[After a moment, he draws his hand away and lowers himself onto Hermes, forehead pressed against his bare chest.
His voice is much quieter now.]
Have you felt suffocated, too? That no matter how hard you've tried to follow expectations, something deep inside was... missing?
[Paradise wasn't perfect. That was something Hermes had come to learn over time as he grew up. He thought about things differently, perceived the darker sides of their utopia that existed. There was no rocking the boat, no standing out. Every citizen dressed the same, covered their faces with identical masks...Hermes had known nothing else. Individuality was not to be celebrated - only accomplishments and ideas that would further the greatness of their Star.
He isn't expecting Riddle to empathize with him, to voice something that he can relate to. The weight of his head against his chest has him stilling further as he listens to his voice, his confession quiet.]
...Oh yes. Very much so. No matter what I do...no matter what I say it never seems to be enough. Things are to be perfect. Rules are to be followed. Everything is done for the betterment of the world, of society...not the individual and certainly not for the creations that are made and unmade arbitrarily. I have always wondered if that was all there was to life. If there were any other civilizations beyond our Star that had a different way of life or thinking...I wanted to speak with those people, to get their answers...
[It's an interesting way to frame things, a different perspective as to why he's here in the first place. Is that the reason why he's here? Probably not, but it's a nice thought all the same. Regardless of the reason he's here now and would be. There was no future left for him if he left this place. Paradise would fall, his soul would be split and there would be no rest. He would cease to exist, much like the rest of his brethren would.
A terrible fate indeed.]
Mayhaps you are right.
[The feeling of his hand gently placed atop his heart has heat rising to his cheeks once more, the weight of Riddle's body against his soothing.]
This is, for better or worse, the only home I will have. I have no place to return to...so I must make the best of it.
[The kiss has him exhaling softly, shoulders sinking back into the mattress as he does his best to clear his mind. He should relax as best he can. Get back into the swing of things. If he were a creation that adored his creator...how would it feel? Again his mind can't help but fall back to Meteion and how she felt toward him. Maybe if he focused on that...
The question is a loaded one. Did he trust Riddle? Well, he had given him no reason not to...and if he were to put himself in the shoes of a creation he would, wholeheartedly.]
Are you not afraid of the great power I hold over you?
[Riddle's words are all spoken softly, coaxing Hermes to open up to him. To be truthful about his feelings— not worry about what he could say that would appease him.]
[He shakes his head softly at the question, letting a soft smile settle on his features as he stares up at the boy.]
No.
[He means it too. Meteion would have never feared him, knowing his heart as intimately as she had, whether she wanted to or not...and if he was to be unmade? Then so be it.]
If I am to be unmade by your hand...then I will still be happy for the life you gave me. To have met you regardless.
[Beautiful. The word has his mind beginning to buzz again, wanting to deny the affectionate compliment. He isn't beautiful but maybe, in Riddle's eyes, in this little song and dance they're indulging in he is. He can be. The kisses to his face have his cheeks heating up once more, smile widening with a light laugh.]
...And how happy and lucky am I, that you have created me. That I have the opportunity to please and serve you. Truly, I am blessed.
[Those final words from Riddle have him sucking in a soft breath, those glowing green eyes of his meeting his gaze. It's hard to hear those words, even if it's just pretend. They're impossible to believe. He isn't perfect. No one is, but especially him. He has far too many flaws...but what if he was supposed to be flawed? If it was by design?]
[There's a kiss over his bare skin, hand trailing down and rubbing over a nipple. Riddle hesitates, mind rebelling for a moment, but... so long as Hermes' doesn't mind? He'll quickly relax.]
Now... repeat after me: "I am valuable, and valued."
[He doesn't mind one bit. If anything he seems to be quite fond of the touch, gasping softly.]
I am...valuable and valued.
[It's not as hard to say as he thought it would be. Then again, he remembers, it isn't as if his own friends hadn't said something similar to him before. He just didn't have it in him to believe it.]
[Well, since Hermes likes it... he'll get a small rub in reward for complying.]
Say it again, with all the feeling as if you were saying it to me, but with the same words as before.
[Hermes is so kind that it's easy for him to see the value in others. Maybe this way, he could start feeling a bit more positively towards himself, too.]
[Even if it does feel wrong, it's good for him to focus on it, Riddle things. Combining those words with pleasure... Maybe? He's honestly just making a hypothesis, here.
He peppers kisses over his torso, fingers again rubbing over his nipple.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Make and unmake creations at will. As in... give life... and then take it away? That seemed exceedingly cruel.
His hand shifts to brush some of Hermes' bangs out of his face.]
How do you mean?
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If I truly were your creation...I am so flawed I would certainly be unmade. I would never be approved as a concept in the first place.
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If that expression had tugged at his heart, those words had surely torn it apart.]
Hermes...
[This was one of the kindest, most patient and sweet people he'd ever known... Seeing himself like this. The same person who always jumped to offer help and looked upon all those animals which such obvious love and fondness.
He pets his hair as he thinks. This is obviously a deep-rooted issue that will take a lot of effort to fix. But... perhaps what they were doing hadn't been a bad approach, at least for helping Hermes feel a bit better about himself.
It was just a matter of figuring out what had and hadn't worked, right?
He draws back a moment and looks down at him, fingers now resting on his jaw.]
I did notice you were very reserved. As though you dare not speak your mind. Was that because of the nature of the relationship? Or something else?
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The question has him keeping his eyes averted - it's far too difficult to look Riddle in the eye right now. He's too embarrassed by himself, by everything that he is.]
...My people are reserved by nature. We are encouraged to share our opinions on matters and debate them...but our personal feelings? Concerns and worries? It is discouraged. I am considered far too emotional for most. I care too much about concerns others seem to not be concerned with at all. All I receive for it is pity. I have learned to hold my tongue, more often than not.
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A life, he only recently discovered, that was the very reason for that deep emptiness he still struggles with to this day.
A soft noise of understanding escapes.]
... it isn't nearly the same, I realize, but... I grew up under very strict guidelines and rules. Decisions were always based on what was most culturally appropriate, what was the most dignified, and what was the best investment for long-term benefits.
[After a moment, he draws his hand away and lowers himself onto Hermes, forehead pressed against his bare chest.
His voice is much quieter now.]
Have you felt suffocated, too? That no matter how hard you've tried to follow expectations, something deep inside was... missing?
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He isn't expecting Riddle to empathize with him, to voice something that he can relate to. The weight of his head against his chest has him stilling further as he listens to his voice, his confession quiet.]
...Oh yes. Very much so. No matter what I do...no matter what I say it never seems to be enough. Things are to be perfect. Rules are to be followed. Everything is done for the betterment of the world, of society...not the individual and certainly not for the creations that are made and unmade arbitrarily. I have always wondered if that was all there was to life. If there were any other civilizations beyond our Star that had a different way of life or thinking...I wanted to speak with those people, to get their answers...
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He murmurs thoughtfully:]
Maybe that's why you were brought here. So you could be among people who care as much as you do.
[Not that he knows if there was any benign reason for them to be here. But it was a comforting thought.]
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A terrible fate indeed.]
Mayhaps you are right.
[The feeling of his hand gently placed atop his heart has heat rising to his cheeks once more, the weight of Riddle's body against his soothing.]
This is, for better or worse, the only home I will have. I have no place to return to...so I must make the best of it.
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I'm up for trying again, but... only if you're up for it, too.
It might be a bit uncomfortable, but I think it could feel pretty good, too.
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...I am willing to try once more as well.
[It was pretend. He just had to get over himself, to enjoy himself.]
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In that case... let me know you, my creation. Do not be afraid to voice your thoughts.
[A gentle kiss to the edge of his mouth right before he murmurs.]
Do you trust me?
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The question is a loaded one. Did he trust Riddle? Well, he had given him no reason not to...and if he were to put himself in the shoes of a creation he would, wholeheartedly.]
Of course I do.
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[The question is asked gently, quietly.]
Are you not afraid of the great power I hold over you?
[Riddle's words are all spoken softly, coaxing Hermes to open up to him. To be truthful about his feelings— not worry about what he could say that would appease him.]
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No.
[He means it too. Meteion would have never feared him, knowing his heart as intimately as she had, whether she wanted to or not...and if he was to be unmade? Then so be it.]
If I am to be unmade by your hand...then I will still be happy for the life you gave me. To have met you regardless.
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He turns his head for a moment, flustered, before he turns and presses another kiss to the edge of his mouth.]
Good... Then keep on being happy. Because I wouldn't dream of unmaking you.
[And then he peppers light kisses over Hermes' face, along his jaw and down his neck.]
My beautiful Hermes. You don't realize your true value. How much you have to offer to the world...
How lucky I am to have created you.
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...And how happy and lucky am I, that you have created me. That I have the opportunity to please and serve you. Truly, I am blessed.
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He lets the kisses trail down a little further, over Hermes' collarbone.]
You please and serve me just by existing. By being yourself.
[His hand comes up, a thumb brushing over his lips.]
You are perfect just as you are.
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...I am glad you feel that way.
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Not quite...
[His smile widens a touch.]
The correct answer, my creation, is "I know".
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[His eyes widen a bit at that, expression turning sheepish. At least this mood is better than the anxiety he'd been feeling moments ago.]
...I know.
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[There's a kiss over his bare skin, hand trailing down and rubbing over a nipple. Riddle hesitates, mind rebelling for a moment, but... so long as Hermes' doesn't mind? He'll quickly relax.]
Now... repeat after me: "I am valuable, and valued."
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I am...valuable and valued.
[It's not as hard to say as he thought it would be. Then again, he remembers, it isn't as if his own friends hadn't said something similar to him before. He just didn't have it in him to believe it.]
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[Well, since Hermes likes it... he'll get a small rub in reward for complying.]
Say it again, with all the feeling as if you were saying it to me, but with the same words as before.
[Hermes is so kind that it's easy for him to see the value in others. Maybe this way, he could start feeling a bit more positively towards himself, too.]
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...I am valuable and valued.
[It...still feels wrong really, to say as much, but since it's a request he manages it with a small smile.]
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[Even if it does feel wrong, it's good for him to focus on it, Riddle things. Combining those words with pleasure... Maybe? He's honestly just making a hypothesis, here.
He peppers kisses over his torso, fingers again rubbing over his nipple.]
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