[Riddles words have Hermes reeling as he stares up at the boy, those glowing eyes of his wrenched wide. Had he heard him correctly? Did he have any idea of what he'd just suggested? What he'd implied? It's not a position that has ever crossed his mind. Sure, they were all creations of their Star but that was different compared to the creations and concepts his people breathed life into themselves. Staring up at him he swallows quietly, the ever familiar feeling of nerves causing his skin to goosebump.
No, Riddle has no idea of the can of worms he's just pried open, the proverbial Pandora's box if you will of insecurities and hang ups that have plagued Hermes for as long as he can remember. The context he's interpreting this suggestion in is surely different from what Riddle's thinking of right now but his gut twists with insecurity all the same. To his credit he doesn't let it show, keeping his hands still against the boy's back as he focuses on the weight of his body against him.]
[He can't help but wonder what's going on behind those luminous eyes. He can tell there's already something a little off, but he'd partially expected that.
He runs his thumb over Hermes' cheek, gaze softening a bit as he nods. Then, he gives another kiss to the edge of Hermes' mouth and murmurs to him lowly.]
I sense you are troubled, my creation. What is it?
[He starts there, and kisses once more, waiting patiently to see how he would respond.]
Troubled. Well, he's not exactly wrong. He is troubled - now and even before. He always is on some level, isn't he? The kisses leave him pliant as he stays still beneath Riddle, unsure of how to answer. To say he was fine would be a lie but the last thing he needs to do right now is trouble Riddle. Wasn't the whole point of this to make him feel comfortable? He didn't need to make him feel uncomfortable...
He kisses him back gently, shyly, but there's an underlying tension there.]
Ah, nothing is troubling me...but I simply cannot help but think there are other creations far superior than I that you could spend your time with. However, I am humbled you wish to do so with me.
[Riddle allows him to take his time. He can feel that underlying tension... Can see the way Hermes struggles for a suitable answer. His reward for his honesty is a few more soft kisses placed over his face.]
It saddens me to hear you have such painful thoughts. I hope I can ease your mind and heart.
[He'll stay here for now. It's his first time, and... he might have trouble staying in character, at least in the beginning, if he looks Hermes in the eyes.]
[It's just a game they're playing and nothing more...but oh how terribly he wishes those words to be true. All he ever feels is inferior - certainly no gift to the world at any rate. The words have him swallowing hotly, throat tight as he finds himself ceasing to breathe for a moment. No one would ever really say those words to him and mean it. Not ever. If he were a creation he'd have been unmade at this rate.
But by the stars he really wishes Riddle did mean it. He wishes anyone did. At the very least the boy doesn't have to worry about meeting Hermes' gaze - he's already averted it himself.
He needs to not get caught up in this. It's not real. He's being ridiculous, allowing himself to become overwhelmed and emotional over what is ultimately pretend. His people never really adored their creations, not beyond their own egos. Why then, if he were a creation, would he be treated any different at the end of the day? He could be a gift one day and an aberration the next.]
[He doesn't deserve it. That's something he believes wholeheartedly. Why should others be kind to him when he couldn't even be kind to himself. Besides, the whole point of all of this was that he was supposed to be taking care of Riddle, was he not? Not the other way around. Still, he can't deny that the tender touches aren't what he wants right now...they are. It's just a game, at the end of the day, but what harm is there in pretending for a moment? In this moment someone can be here for him, truly. Someone would care without abandon.
It sounds too good to be true and that's because it is. After their little game is over that's it. He's back to himself, back to a reality that's always difficult to deal with. Sighing he sinks further back into the mattress, shifting his focus to the warmth that Riddle's body brings.]
...I would be loathe to stop you, if that's what you wish.
[Ah. He ruined it. Whatever they were doing, he's gone and screwed it up. Which isn't surprising, or it isn't to him at least.]
Forgive me.
[He needs to get a grip on himself. This is embarrassing. He's going to make things even worse if he doesn't.]
It's just...back home my people make and unmake creations and concepts at will, with no thoughts spared for the lives we give them in the first place. I was considered odd for caring too much about them and worrying over their wellbeing. I was thinking once more what it would be like to be one of them.
[It is exceedingly cruel, at least Hermes has always thought so. No one else among his people however seemed to feel the same way. It was this blatant disregard for life, or rather the fact their creations were seen as lesser beings to man, that had Hermes always anxious for their fates. It was always sad when a creation was unmade, sometimes for arbitrary reasons and nothing more. Imperfections were meant to be stamped out.]
If I truly were your creation...I am so flawed I would certainly be unmade. I would never be approved as a concept in the first place.
If that expression had tugged at his heart, those words had surely torn it apart.]
Hermes...
[This was one of the kindest, most patient and sweet people he'd ever known... Seeing himself like this. The same person who always jumped to offer help and looked upon all those animals which such obvious love and fondness.
He pets his hair as he thinks. This is obviously a deep-rooted issue that will take a lot of effort to fix. But... perhaps what they were doing hadn't been a bad approach, at least for helping Hermes feel a bit better about himself.
It was just a matter of figuring out what had and hadn't worked, right?
He draws back a moment and looks down at him, fingers now resting on his jaw.]
I did notice you were very reserved. As though you dare not speak your mind. Was that because of the nature of the relationship? Or something else?
[Ah. Maybe he shouldn't feel as soothed as he does by Riddle's little fingers in his hair but he does. It's a guilty pleasure really, that he's trying not to think too hard about in the moment. His fingers are small just like hers had been, his beloved creation that did her best to cheer him up by petting and mussing his hair when she felt his sadness. Riddle was no Entelechy like Meteion was but he still seemed to be in tune with how he felt.
The question has him keeping his eyes averted - it's far too difficult to look Riddle in the eye right now. He's too embarrassed by himself, by everything that he is.]
...My people are reserved by nature. We are encouraged to share our opinions on matters and debate them...but our personal feelings? Concerns and worries? It is discouraged. I am considered far too emotional for most. I care too much about concerns others seem to not be concerned with at all. All I receive for it is pity. I have learned to hold my tongue, more often than not.
[... what an eerie sort of society. Or maybe it's unnerving because Riddle understands it to some degree. Emotions were to be kept under a tight rein; decisions were to be based in logic, not desire or preference.
A life, he only recently discovered, that was the very reason for that deep emptiness he still struggles with to this day.
A soft noise of understanding escapes.]
... it isn't nearly the same, I realize, but... I grew up under very strict guidelines and rules. Decisions were always based on what was most culturally appropriate, what was the most dignified, and what was the best investment for long-term benefits.
[After a moment, he draws his hand away and lowers himself onto Hermes, forehead pressed against his bare chest.
His voice is much quieter now.]
Have you felt suffocated, too? That no matter how hard you've tried to follow expectations, something deep inside was... missing?
[Paradise wasn't perfect. That was something Hermes had come to learn over time as he grew up. He thought about things differently, perceived the darker sides of their utopia that existed. There was no rocking the boat, no standing out. Every citizen dressed the same, covered their faces with identical masks...Hermes had known nothing else. Individuality was not to be celebrated - only accomplishments and ideas that would further the greatness of their Star.
He isn't expecting Riddle to empathize with him, to voice something that he can relate to. The weight of his head against his chest has him stilling further as he listens to his voice, his confession quiet.]
...Oh yes. Very much so. No matter what I do...no matter what I say it never seems to be enough. Things are to be perfect. Rules are to be followed. Everything is done for the betterment of the world, of society...not the individual and certainly not for the creations that are made and unmade arbitrarily. I have always wondered if that was all there was to life. If there were any other civilizations beyond our Star that had a different way of life or thinking...I wanted to speak with those people, to get their answers...
[It's an interesting way to frame things, a different perspective as to why he's here in the first place. Is that the reason why he's here? Probably not, but it's a nice thought all the same. Regardless of the reason he's here now and would be. There was no future left for him if he left this place. Paradise would fall, his soul would be split and there would be no rest. He would cease to exist, much like the rest of his brethren would.
A terrible fate indeed.]
Mayhaps you are right.
[The feeling of his hand gently placed atop his heart has heat rising to his cheeks once more, the weight of Riddle's body against his soothing.]
This is, for better or worse, the only home I will have. I have no place to return to...so I must make the best of it.
[The kiss has him exhaling softly, shoulders sinking back into the mattress as he does his best to clear his mind. He should relax as best he can. Get back into the swing of things. If he were a creation that adored his creator...how would it feel? Again his mind can't help but fall back to Meteion and how she felt toward him. Maybe if he focused on that...
The question is a loaded one. Did he trust Riddle? Well, he had given him no reason not to...and if he were to put himself in the shoes of a creation he would, wholeheartedly.]
Are you not afraid of the great power I hold over you?
[Riddle's words are all spoken softly, coaxing Hermes to open up to him. To be truthful about his feelings— not worry about what he could say that would appease him.]
[He shakes his head softly at the question, letting a soft smile settle on his features as he stares up at the boy.]
No.
[He means it too. Meteion would have never feared him, knowing his heart as intimately as she had, whether she wanted to or not...and if he was to be unmade? Then so be it.]
If I am to be unmade by your hand...then I will still be happy for the life you gave me. To have met you regardless.
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Basically, for the duration of the session, we play out a scene in which we take on the roles of certain characters.
For example, some popular pairings might be nurse and patient, or hunter and hunted.
For us, I was thinking... the creator and his creation.
[And then he leans down, and presses a kiss to Hermes' lips, then pulls back just enough to speak.]
And in this scene, you're my creation.
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No, Riddle has no idea of the can of worms he's just pried open, the proverbial Pandora's box if you will of insecurities and hang ups that have plagued Hermes for as long as he can remember. The context he's interpreting this suggestion in is surely different from what Riddle's thinking of right now but his gut twists with insecurity all the same. To his credit he doesn't let it show, keeping his hands still against the boy's back as he focuses on the weight of his body against him.]
If you wish...I would not be opposed to it.
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He runs his thumb over Hermes' cheek, gaze softening a bit as he nods. Then, he gives another kiss to the edge of Hermes' mouth and murmurs to him lowly.]
I sense you are troubled, my creation. What is it?
[He starts there, and kisses once more, waiting patiently to see how he would respond.]
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Troubled. Well, he's not exactly wrong. He is troubled - now and even before. He always is on some level, isn't he? The kisses leave him pliant as he stays still beneath Riddle, unsure of how to answer. To say he was fine would be a lie but the last thing he needs to do right now is trouble Riddle. Wasn't the whole point of this to make him feel comfortable? He didn't need to make him feel uncomfortable...
He kisses him back gently, shyly, but there's an underlying tension there.]
Ah, nothing is troubling me...but I simply cannot help but think there are other creations far superior than I that you could spend your time with. However, I am humbled you wish to do so with me.
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It saddens me to hear you have such painful thoughts. I hope I can ease your mind and heart.
[He'll stay here for now. It's his first time, and... he might have trouble staying in character, at least in the beginning, if he looks Hermes in the eyes.]
You are inferior to no one, my gift to the world.
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But by the stars he really wishes Riddle did mean it. He wishes anyone did. At the very least the boy doesn't have to worry about meeting Hermes' gaze - he's already averted it himself.
He needs to not get caught up in this. It's not real. He's being ridiculous, allowing himself to become overwhelmed and emotional over what is ultimately pretend. His people never really adored their creations, not beyond their own egos. Why then, if he were a creation, would he be treated any different at the end of the day? He could be a gift one day and an aberration the next.]
...You truly are far too kind.
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That would be implying that I'm giving kindness to someone who doesn't deserve it, wouldn't it?
[Hermes says so little, but so much in just a few words.
He noses gently into Hermes' face.]
In this moment, I am here for you. Truly and fully.
Allow me to take care of you, Hermes. Please.
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It sounds too good to be true and that's because it is. After their little game is over that's it. He's back to himself, back to a reality that's always difficult to deal with. Sighing he sinks further back into the mattress, shifting his focus to the warmth that Riddle's body brings.]
...I would be loathe to stop you, if that's what you wish.
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Hey, breaking character for a moment...
[His thumb strokes Hermes' cheek as he looks at him with concern.]
Are you alright? Is this too much for you?
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[Ah. He ruined it. Whatever they were doing, he's gone and screwed it up. Which isn't surprising, or it isn't to him at least.]
Forgive me.
[He needs to get a grip on himself. This is embarrassing. He's going to make things even worse if he doesn't.]
It's just...back home my people make and unmake creations and concepts at will, with no thoughts spared for the lives we give them in the first place. I was considered odd for caring too much about them and worrying over their wellbeing. I was thinking once more what it would be like to be one of them.
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Make and unmake creations at will. As in... give life... and then take it away? That seemed exceedingly cruel.
His hand shifts to brush some of Hermes' bangs out of his face.]
How do you mean?
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If I truly were your creation...I am so flawed I would certainly be unmade. I would never be approved as a concept in the first place.
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If that expression had tugged at his heart, those words had surely torn it apart.]
Hermes...
[This was one of the kindest, most patient and sweet people he'd ever known... Seeing himself like this. The same person who always jumped to offer help and looked upon all those animals which such obvious love and fondness.
He pets his hair as he thinks. This is obviously a deep-rooted issue that will take a lot of effort to fix. But... perhaps what they were doing hadn't been a bad approach, at least for helping Hermes feel a bit better about himself.
It was just a matter of figuring out what had and hadn't worked, right?
He draws back a moment and looks down at him, fingers now resting on his jaw.]
I did notice you were very reserved. As though you dare not speak your mind. Was that because of the nature of the relationship? Or something else?
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The question has him keeping his eyes averted - it's far too difficult to look Riddle in the eye right now. He's too embarrassed by himself, by everything that he is.]
...My people are reserved by nature. We are encouraged to share our opinions on matters and debate them...but our personal feelings? Concerns and worries? It is discouraged. I am considered far too emotional for most. I care too much about concerns others seem to not be concerned with at all. All I receive for it is pity. I have learned to hold my tongue, more often than not.
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A life, he only recently discovered, that was the very reason for that deep emptiness he still struggles with to this day.
A soft noise of understanding escapes.]
... it isn't nearly the same, I realize, but... I grew up under very strict guidelines and rules. Decisions were always based on what was most culturally appropriate, what was the most dignified, and what was the best investment for long-term benefits.
[After a moment, he draws his hand away and lowers himself onto Hermes, forehead pressed against his bare chest.
His voice is much quieter now.]
Have you felt suffocated, too? That no matter how hard you've tried to follow expectations, something deep inside was... missing?
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He isn't expecting Riddle to empathize with him, to voice something that he can relate to. The weight of his head against his chest has him stilling further as he listens to his voice, his confession quiet.]
...Oh yes. Very much so. No matter what I do...no matter what I say it never seems to be enough. Things are to be perfect. Rules are to be followed. Everything is done for the betterment of the world, of society...not the individual and certainly not for the creations that are made and unmade arbitrarily. I have always wondered if that was all there was to life. If there were any other civilizations beyond our Star that had a different way of life or thinking...I wanted to speak with those people, to get their answers...
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He murmurs thoughtfully:]
Maybe that's why you were brought here. So you could be among people who care as much as you do.
[Not that he knows if there was any benign reason for them to be here. But it was a comforting thought.]
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A terrible fate indeed.]
Mayhaps you are right.
[The feeling of his hand gently placed atop his heart has heat rising to his cheeks once more, the weight of Riddle's body against his soothing.]
This is, for better or worse, the only home I will have. I have no place to return to...so I must make the best of it.
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I'm up for trying again, but... only if you're up for it, too.
It might be a bit uncomfortable, but I think it could feel pretty good, too.
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...I am willing to try once more as well.
[It was pretend. He just had to get over himself, to enjoy himself.]
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In that case... let me know you, my creation. Do not be afraid to voice your thoughts.
[A gentle kiss to the edge of his mouth right before he murmurs.]
Do you trust me?
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The question is a loaded one. Did he trust Riddle? Well, he had given him no reason not to...and if he were to put himself in the shoes of a creation he would, wholeheartedly.]
Of course I do.
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[The question is asked gently, quietly.]
Are you not afraid of the great power I hold over you?
[Riddle's words are all spoken softly, coaxing Hermes to open up to him. To be truthful about his feelings— not worry about what he could say that would appease him.]
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No.
[He means it too. Meteion would have never feared him, knowing his heart as intimately as she had, whether she wanted to or not...and if he was to be unmade? Then so be it.]
If I am to be unmade by your hand...then I will still be happy for the life you gave me. To have met you regardless.
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He turns his head for a moment, flustered, before he turns and presses another kiss to the edge of his mouth.]
Good... Then keep on being happy. Because I wouldn't dream of unmaking you.
[And then he peppers light kisses over Hermes' face, along his jaw and down his neck.]
My beautiful Hermes. You don't realize your true value. How much you have to offer to the world...
How lucky I am to have created you.
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