"I will not deny that you think differently from most of us, for good or for ill. You always were a strange one... but it makes no difference, I suppose. You are hurting, and even if I cannot understand the reasoning entirely I can at least be here for you."
He shifts closer, mindful of Caduceus as he pulls Hermes into a hug. He doesn't know that words will suffice but he will offer his company too.
"That is what friends are for, no?" Even if he perhaps can't take Meteion's place to Hermes, he's still a companion and a friend.
He may still be a companion and a friend but it's different. There's a certain comfort that comes with someone understanding how and why one feels the way they do. His empathy and compassion have always been detriments, not merits, at least among his people. It wasn't as if he hadn't overheard his colleagues question and comment on his moods back in Elpis. Everyone instinctively knew to avoid the Overseer when concepts had to be eradicated.
The embrace is something he leans into, Caduceus slithering around to settle in the hood of the sweater he's changed into. There he can be next to his master and not get in the way. Gingerly Hermes returns it, sliding his arms around Hythlodaeus to give him a squeeze. He just wishes someone could understand what he felt and why. He feels like a lost cause otherwise.
"They are, yes." Or he figures they are. He doesn't have much experience in the ways of friendship but he can assume friends are supposed to support one another at the very least.
"'Tis no use wishing you were different. Take heart and celebrate your differences, instead. You cannot change them, after all."
He gives Hermes a little squeeze in return, smiling for him. "Mayhap there will be times when your sensitive nature comes in useful. You are more inclined to understand the woes of the people around you. And as you likely have surmised, having someone to understand really does help."
He knows he's not helping as much as he would be if he were perhaps more empathetic himself. He's trying but he can't make himself suddenly understand Hermes' point of view.
"Differences are not something our people are used to celebrating, Hythlodaeus."
So how could he take heart in something that had isolated him for so long? That had caused him so much trouble in the past and even now? Hythlodaeus may be embracing him and smiling for him, but it's hard to take his words to heart, even if he knows the man isn't one to lie. He also knows it isn't exactly possible for him to suddenly understand things from Hermes' point of view...but he doesn't expect that of him. He doesn't expect anyone to truly understand how he feels.
"However I appreciate the sentiment you're conveying."
"We are not home, Hermes. These are not our people." And for Hythlodaeus... well, he finds the differences the people here have endearing. The city, not so much, but the diversity here is not without its charms. Ah, but Hythlodaeus doesn't tend to dwell on the negatives often. In a way, Hermes and Hythlodaeus are complete opposites. His rock- which feels heavy in his cardigan pocket still- is a rare exception.
"If you cannot find peace at home, try to find it here at least. I realise that without Meteion you feel lost and lonely... but you needn't feel that way. I may not understand, but I am still your friend, and I will offer whichever means of comfort I can." He'll happily lend an ear whenever Hermes needs it, even if he can't quite measure up to Meteion in Hermes' eyes.
Which would quite frankly be insulting if it were anyone but Hermes, but he's not saying a word about that.
Hermes would never dare compare the two. The love he has for his people and friends is different from how he feels toward Meteion and her sisters. The love he has for creation occupies a different place in his heart and vice versa. Hythlodaeus may be right, that they are not home and the people around them weren't theirs...but old habits and anxieties die hard.
There's a guilt then that settles in, as he deflates against the other man, forehead finding the crook of his neck. His skin is cool against his own. There's something relaxing about that.
"I am sorry, my friend. I cause you so much trouble. Emet-Selch as well. If only I knew how to feel less...things would be far easier. I appreciate all that you both do for me, but I am poor at showing it."
He moves a hand to stroke through Hermes' hair, sighing in turn. "It isn't trouble, it simply... I worry for you."
He knows Hermes is different, and he knows he can't make him any less different- no, he must accept him for the man he is. And he does, but... he's so lost on how to proceed with him sometimes.
"I am simply not well versed in assisting people with their feelings." It was never an issue back home, and as for himself- he's so good at pretending everything is fine, even now, that he can almost believe it most of the time.
As Hythlodaeus strokes his hair he can't help but lean into the touch, deflating against him. He really ought to pull himself together, to swallow the heartache he feels so he doesn't have to press his feelings upon his friend further.
"I do not wish to make you worry so."
He really doesn't - the last thing he wants is to stress others out over his own instability.
"For what it is worth your company does bring me joy."
"I am glad to hear it, truly... ah, would that my company could bring you peace of mind as well, however."
He's glad that he can bring Hermes some small measure of comfort but knowing he's hurting, he really does just want to make him forget his troubles... but there's no easy fix for that, and he can't wave his little feathered wand and make a solution appear out of thin air.
Unfortunately he can't seem to think of much that would bring him peace of mind at all. Even if Meteion were here with him...how terrible of a fate would that be for her? No, she could never be here with him. It would be unconscionable.
"Perhaps I can bring you some peace of mind, one less thing to worry about in regards to me?" He smiles weakly back at Hythlodaeus, forcing himself to get a hold on his emotions. "I signed a contract recently."
"His name is G'raha Tia. He's a quite interesting man...short and with feline features but I find them rather endearing." A change of topic is clearly what Hermes needed. He seems to relax, setting the brooch aside for now. I still don't exactly understand where he is from - a world with aether and similar to ours...and in some way I feel we are connected?"
There's a small shrug but he seems calmer now.
"He is curious much like myself and I have had nothing but nice conversations with him...so when I was feeling particularly bold I asked him to contract."
Hermes' smile falters, turning into something far more somber.
"There is much I do not understand about the future...all I know is that we are all to meet a miserable fate." Himself included. "I do not know how a person like G'raha fits into the picture entirely but I understand that Azem's shard was a friend of his and wronged Elidibus..."
There's a sigh as his fingers fiddle with the hem of his shirt. "He has been nothing but pleasant to me though...and I need a contract."
Hythlodaeus' smile doesn't falter in spite of Hermes' words.
"Ah, he will forgive you. I am sure he would be far more upset were you to actually land in jail for not finding a contract."
He pats Hermes on the back, before chuckling. "Does this mean I must be silent when we are together now? I never was very good at that. Or must I simply choose moments when G'raha is out?"
Ah. That was...something Hermes hadn't thought of. The implication the two of them would be overheard has his cheeks flaring red, his gaze thrown to the side. For the moment he can't meet Hythloadeus' gaze.
"I-I suppose I never thought of the implications of living with another person. It would be rude to make too much noise."
Is Hermes choking on his words? Sure is.
"I could create a barrier that blocks sound around my room. You could be as loud as you like in that case..." It's a solution but for some reason he feels like Hythlodaeus will be disappointed.
Disappointed he is, sighing heavily. "I suppose..." Come on Hermes, don't ruin his fun...
"In any case, I am glad you have a Submissive now. I had begun to worry that you weren't going to look for one."
He takes Hermes by the chin and guides his face towards his own, so that he can watch him flush. He always finds he enjoys when Hermes gets bashful. "You are terribly attractive when you blush, my friend."
Yes, he's trying to make him do it more. It's a welcome distraction from their other woes.
He can recognize that disappointment clearly in Hythlodaeus' voice as he sighs. It makes him feel guilty to a degree, that he's taking something away from Hytholdaeus that the other man enjoys. Still, it wouldn't be right for them to disturb G'raha. This was as much his place now as it was Hermes', or so the man felt.
"The unforeseen confidence boost worked in my favour...full glad that I am, and was, that G'raha agreed." Which is why he doesn't want to do anything that may make the mi'qote see him in an unfavorable light. When Hythlodaeus takes hold of his chin he's forced to look his way, only to feel his cheeks grow even warmer.
Of course Hermes can be plenty of fun without the boost. But he was real fun with it.
"Heheh... perhaps it is, friend. Perhaps I enjoy watching you turn scarlet." He leans in for a kiss, brief but affectionate. When he pulls back he's smiling like usual, the gesture crinkling the corners of his eyes.
"As tempting as you are when pink in the face, however, I will refrain. I am quite sure you are in no mood for the moment." And before anything else, he is Hermes' friend. Hermes isn't just someone to sleep with, he's someone special to Hythlodaeus. He will think of his feelings first.
The kiss may be brief but it possesses a sweetness that would make Hermes go weak in the knees if he weren't seated. Hythlodaeus is so charming it's hard to feel too down around him, especially when he's being so kind and considerate. Gently he rests his forehead against the other man's letting out a soft exhale.
He hadn't been in the mood, no, but he's not averse to something gentle like this. Close contact with his friend is a comfort and the more he can push the thought of Meteion to the back of his mind the better.
"Perhaps we can enjoy one another's company like this for now?"
Gently, he cups Hermes' cheek and hums in affirmation.
"Of course." He offers up another kiss that lingers this time, but true to his word when he breaks it he simply sits and enjoys the contact. "I will stay with you for as long as you need."
With his fingers still caressing Hermes' cheek, he closes his eyes and sighs contentedly. He hasn't been in the best of moods himself thanks to his own reminder, so something sweet like this helps.
It hasn't crossed Hermes' mind that others may have received reminders from home, but if he knew that Hythlodaeus had been suffering his own mental anguish...he probably would've pushed his own sorrows away much quicker. It's nice to just sit like this, to be in another's company and the company of someone he trusts no less.
"Thank you, truly...you have showed me nothing but kindness Hythlodaeus. It means more to me than I can put into words."
His voice is quiet at the admission, as he lets Hythlodaeus' words sink in slowly. When was the last time someone had told him he was important, let alone dear to them? Was it his parents? No, it was the man who currently held the seat of Fandaniel, his mentor whom he would supposedly surpass...that was the last time anyone remotely had held him in such regard.
"I know you always seem to comfort me...but you do know you can come to me with concerns as well, yes?"
"Is that an invitation to regale you with my burdens here and now?" He laughs a little, though there's a tense edge to it- as if there's something specifically in mind as he says it.
"Oh, but I know. You would never let me suffer alone." But this is comforting for him, too. Just sitting together and enjoying one another's company. Maybe he doesn't have to talk about it... though if Hermes presses, he will.
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He shifts closer, mindful of Caduceus as he pulls Hermes into a hug. He doesn't know that words will suffice but he will offer his company too.
"That is what friends are for, no?" Even if he perhaps can't take Meteion's place to Hermes, he's still a companion and a friend.
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He may still be a companion and a friend but it's different. There's a certain comfort that comes with someone understanding how and why one feels the way they do. His empathy and compassion have always been detriments, not merits, at least among his people. It wasn't as if he hadn't overheard his colleagues question and comment on his moods back in Elpis. Everyone instinctively knew to avoid the Overseer when concepts had to be eradicated.
The embrace is something he leans into, Caduceus slithering around to settle in the hood of the sweater he's changed into. There he can be next to his master and not get in the way. Gingerly Hermes returns it, sliding his arms around Hythlodaeus to give him a squeeze. He just wishes someone could understand what he felt and why. He feels like a lost cause otherwise.
"They are, yes." Or he figures they are. He doesn't have much experience in the ways of friendship but he can assume friends are supposed to support one another at the very least.
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He gives Hermes a little squeeze in return, smiling for him. "Mayhap there will be times when your sensitive nature comes in useful. You are more inclined to understand the woes of the people around you. And as you likely have surmised, having someone to understand really does help."
He knows he's not helping as much as he would be if he were perhaps more empathetic himself. He's trying but he can't make himself suddenly understand Hermes' point of view.
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So how could he take heart in something that had isolated him for so long? That had caused him so much trouble in the past and even now? Hythlodaeus may be embracing him and smiling for him, but it's hard to take his words to heart, even if he knows the man isn't one to lie. He also knows it isn't exactly possible for him to suddenly understand things from Hermes' point of view...but he doesn't expect that of him. He doesn't expect anyone to truly understand how he feels.
"However I appreciate the sentiment you're conveying."
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"If you cannot find peace at home, try to find it here at least. I realise that without Meteion you feel lost and lonely... but you needn't feel that way. I may not understand, but I am still your friend, and I will offer whichever means of comfort I can." He'll happily lend an ear whenever Hermes needs it, even if he can't quite measure up to Meteion in Hermes' eyes.
Which would quite frankly be insulting if it were anyone but Hermes, but he's not saying a word about that.
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There's a guilt then that settles in, as he deflates against the other man, forehead finding the crook of his neck. His skin is cool against his own. There's something relaxing about that.
"I am sorry, my friend. I cause you so much trouble. Emet-Selch as well. If only I knew how to feel less...things would be far easier. I appreciate all that you both do for me, but I am poor at showing it."
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He knows Hermes is different, and he knows he can't make him any less different- no, he must accept him for the man he is. And he does, but... he's so lost on how to proceed with him sometimes.
"I am simply not well versed in assisting people with their feelings." It was never an issue back home, and as for himself- he's so good at pretending everything is fine, even now, that he can almost believe it most of the time.
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"I do not wish to make you worry so."
He really doesn't - the last thing he wants is to stress others out over his own instability.
"For what it is worth your company does bring me joy."
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He's glad that he can bring Hermes some small measure of comfort but knowing he's hurting, he really does just want to make him forget his troubles... but there's no easy fix for that, and he can't wave his little feathered wand and make a solution appear out of thin air.
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"Perhaps I can bring you some peace of mind, one less thing to worry about in regards to me?" He smiles weakly back at Hythlodaeus, forcing himself to get a hold on his emotions. "I signed a contract recently."
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"Who are they?" Someone nice, he hopes. Someone who won't take advantage of Hermes. If they did, he might have to have words with them...
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There's a small shrug but he seems calmer now.
"He is curious much like myself and I have had nothing but nice conversations with him...so when I was feeling particularly bold I asked him to contract."
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Shrugging, he smiles. "I had recommended you to him, and I am glad that you are contracted." It means he won't have to introduce them, after all.
"Does Emet-Selch know?" He can't imagine Emet-Selch will be too pleased... G'raha was on the opposite side of the Ascians, after all.
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Hermes' smile falters, turning into something far more somber.
"There is much I do not understand about the future...all I know is that we are all to meet a miserable fate." Himself included. "I do not know how a person like G'raha fits into the picture entirely but I understand that Azem's shard was a friend of his and wronged Elidibus..."
There's a sigh as his fingers fiddle with the hem of his shirt. "He has been nothing but pleasant to me though...and I need a contract."
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"Ah, he will forgive you. I am sure he would be far more upset were you to actually land in jail for not finding a contract."
He pats Hermes on the back, before chuckling. "Does this mean I must be silent when we are together now? I never was very good at that. Or must I simply choose moments when G'raha is out?"
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"I-I suppose I never thought of the implications of living with another person. It would be rude to make too much noise."
Is Hermes choking on his words? Sure is.
"I could create a barrier that blocks sound around my room. You could be as loud as you like in that case..." It's a solution but for some reason he feels like Hythlodaeus will be disappointed.
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"In any case, I am glad you have a Submissive now. I had begun to worry that you weren't going to look for one."
He takes Hermes by the chin and guides his face towards his own, so that he can watch him flush. He always finds he enjoys when Hermes gets bashful. "You are terribly attractive when you blush, my friend."
Yes, he's trying to make him do it more. It's a welcome distraction from their other woes.
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"The unforeseen confidence boost worked in my favour...full glad that I am, and was, that G'raha agreed." Which is why he doesn't want to do anything that may make the mi'qote see him in an unfavorable light. When Hythlodaeus takes hold of his chin he's forced to look his way, only to feel his cheeks grow even warmer.
"Am I? Is that why you tease me so?"
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Of course Hermes can be plenty of fun without the boost. But he was real fun with it.
"Heheh... perhaps it is, friend. Perhaps I enjoy watching you turn scarlet." He leans in for a kiss, brief but affectionate. When he pulls back he's smiling like usual, the gesture crinkling the corners of his eyes.
"As tempting as you are when pink in the face, however, I will refrain. I am quite sure you are in no mood for the moment." And before anything else, he is Hermes' friend. Hermes isn't just someone to sleep with, he's someone special to Hythlodaeus. He will think of his feelings first.
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He hadn't been in the mood, no, but he's not averse to something gentle like this. Close contact with his friend is a comfort and the more he can push the thought of Meteion to the back of his mind the better.
"Perhaps we can enjoy one another's company like this for now?"
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"Of course." He offers up another kiss that lingers this time, but true to his word when he breaks it he simply sits and enjoys the contact. "I will stay with you for as long as you need."
With his fingers still caressing Hermes' cheek, he closes his eyes and sighs contentedly. He hasn't been in the best of moods himself thanks to his own reminder, so something sweet like this helps.
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"Thank you, truly...you have showed me nothing but kindness Hythlodaeus. It means more to me than I can put into words."
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He means every word of it, of course. He's a menace who delights in seeing Hermes flushed and awkward, but never sad.
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His voice is quiet at the admission, as he lets Hythlodaeus' words sink in slowly. When was the last time someone had told him he was important, let alone dear to them? Was it his parents? No, it was the man who currently held the seat of Fandaniel, his mentor whom he would supposedly surpass...that was the last time anyone remotely had held him in such regard.
"I know you always seem to comfort me...but you do know you can come to me with concerns as well, yes?"
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"Oh, but I know. You would never let me suffer alone." But this is comforting for him, too. Just sitting together and enjoying one another's company. Maybe he doesn't have to talk about it... though if Hermes presses, he will.
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